Intrusive Thoughts are Normal

proseccoliving | Posted on July 24, 2026 |

Intrusive thoughts are unwanted and distressing. They involve harm coming to your baby, yourself, or loved ones- including thoughts about YOU causing deliberate harm to your baby, which is terrifying.

We don’t talk about this enough. They are more common than people realize and affect almost every new mom. But when you don’t understand what they are or why they happen, it can make you feel like the worst mom in the world, so you bury it deep and you don’t tell anyone else because you’re worried that if you do, they will also realize that you are the worst mom in the world and they’ll take your baby away.

It’s important to understand that having these thoughts doesn’t mean they will happen, nor does it mean you’ll act on them. It is actually the opposite. It is your brain running through ‘what-if scenarios’ so that you know how to protect your little one from harm. If you are still not convinced that your thoughts are normal- think about how it makes you feel after it happens. If immediately after an intrusive thought, you feel horrified, disgusted or upset, you can feel confident that this was an intrusion and NOT an intention.

Before I had Mila, I did not know about intrusive thoughts so when it happened, I was devastated and lived in horror and disgust with myself for several days before I finally told someone.

I remember the exact moment that I experienced my first intrusive thought. It was awful. Mila was a day old, we were in the hospital and my husband, Neal, had just left the room to get a snack from the cafeteria. From the second Mila was born, I had been surrounded by people-doctors, nurses, family, friends and always Neal. This was the first time I was going to be alone with her. Suddenly a sickening panic came over me. I had this image flash in my head of picking up my sleeping baby from her bassinet and bashing her head on the railing of my hospital bed. She was going to die, I was going to jail and Neal was going to hate me forever. WTF was that?! Why would I even think that?! We worked so hard to finally have Mila and she was perfect in every way. I loved her more than anything-so why was I thinking about harming her?! I felt sick. I never wanted to be alone with her again-I couldn’t-I could hurt her, Neal needed to come back NOW! Seconds later, the thought passed and I knew I would NEVER harm my Mila, but I still felt sick. I couldn’t believe the thought even crossed my mind. What was wrong with me? When did I start wanting to hurt anyone-my own daughter no less?!

When I couldn’t hold it in any longer and told someone, it changed everything. It suddenly became clear that the only reason I had any thoughts about harming her, was because I was actually trying to protect her.

When Neal left the room, and I looked down at her, she was so small and fragile. My tiny, five pound little miracle was completely defenseless. She could do nothing to protect herself. In that moment, the only thing that could have hurt her was being moved from her bassinet and dropped or knocked into something. I wasn’t trying to harm my baby, I was trying to protect her. As a new mom, I was in a heightened state of hypervigilance. My brain’s threat-detection system had gone into overdrive trying to keep my newborn safe, which resulted in distressing, “what-if” scenarios so I would know exactly what dangers to look out for. Instantly, I went from feeling like the worst mom in the universe to the best one.

Understanding this meant everything. Had I known about intrusive thoughts before giving birth, the confusion, hurt and self-disgust wouldn’t have been there and I wouldn’t have been on such an emotional rollercoaster. Well, that’s probably not true- let’s be real, hormones after giving birth are raging, so the emotional rollercoaster would most likely have still been going on, but I wouldn’t have felt so sick about it.

I wish we would talk about things like this more. Momming is hard enough, It doesn’t need to be made harder by unknowns. I am writing this post in hopes it might reach a mama-to-be or new mom so they don’t have to feel the way I did. You’re not alone and having scary thoughts does not make you a bad mom.

You're a great mom!

Intrusive thoughts don't get to rob you of that.

Why They Happen

After birth, a mother’s brain faces huge hormone changes, a lack of sleep, and high alert. The brain works hard to keep the baby safe, which can cause scary “what-if” thoughts. If these thoughts make you feel sick or upset, it means they are normal unwanted thoughts, not things you actually want or intend to do.

How to Manage Them

Separate fact from fear. Having a scary or intrusive thought about your baby does not mean you are going to act on it. These involuntary thoughts are a common part of early parenthood and do not reflect an increased risk of danger to your child. Even if you are fearful of hurting your baby in some way, it is highly improbable that you ever will.

Don’t judge yourself. Immediately after having an intrusive thought, you probably follow it up with, “What kind of parent thinks about hurting their child? What’s wrong with me? I must be a bad parent!” Remember, MOST new parents experience this. So, we’re either all bad parents, or these thoughts have nothing to do with our ability to care for and love our little ones.

Try mindfulness meditation. Notice and acknowledge your thoughts. Stay present in the moment and don’t assign importance or meaning to these scary thoughts. This can decrease anxiety.

Distract yourself! When we entertain our intrusive thoughts—continuing to obsess, engage in compulsions, or actively attempt to avoid triggers—we give these thoughts the power to invade our minds even more. Instead, try these distractions as you wait for the thoughts to pass:
- Puzzles, crosswords, or games
- Outdoor exercise
- Music
- Dancing

Get good sleep. I know-easier said than done, you’re a new mom, what’s sleep? But Insomnia and sleep deprivation raises the risk for Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorders, including OCD.
Even without intrusive thoughts to keep us up at night, getting sleep is hard. Here are a few tips that might help:
- Try to be consistent with bedtimes and wake-ups.
- Create a sleep-worthy environment, making it a quiet, dark, and a comfy temperature.
- Avoid screen time before bed, including TVs, computers, and phones.
- Avoid large meals, caffeine, and alcohol before bedtime.
- Add a short, outdoor walk every day to increase your physical activity.

Share your experience. When we share with safe people who will hear our struggles without judgment—partners, friends, family, therapists—the emotional validation we receive breeds acceptance and decreases anxiety. Sharing, and the vulnerability it requires, also decreases our shame and embarrassment.
- Talk with another mom, who will probably tell you, “OMG! I’ve thought the same thing!” You might even be helping them if they were too afraid to talk about it because they thought they were alone in their thoughts.
- Call your OBGYN for recommendations, or use the resources listed below

Read books about intrusive thoughts in motherhood. There are books about it because you are not alone! It might feel that way, but you’re not. If it’s still too hard for you to talk about it, reading about the relatable experiences of others and learning more about what they are and why you have them might help.
- Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
- Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts

When to Seek Help

While occasional passing thoughts are normal, seek professional support if:

The thoughts are relentless and consume large portions of your day.
You start developing compulsive behaviors (e.g., constantly checking the baby’s breathing, repeatedly washing) to make the thoughts go away.
The fear prevents you from bonding with or caring for your baby.

Who to Contact

Immediate Support: Call or text the Postpartum Support International (PSI) HelpLine at 1-800-944-4773 to connect with trained specialists PSI HelpLine.
Maternal Mental Health Hotline: Call or text 1-833-9-HELP4MMS for free, confidential 24/7 support.
Specialized Care: Use the PSI Provider Directory to find therapists specifically trained in perinatal mood and anxiety disorders (PMADs) in your area PSI Directory.
Crisis Resources: If you are having thoughts of harming yourself or your baby, immediately dial 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline or call 911.